I went in to have a look at a bicycle. The one that’s really a road bike. Really sleek and doesn’t have gears. I saw the shopkeeper was at the back so didn’t want to bother with asking any questions. I proceeded to check out the bikes but the posters also caught my attention. Of course posters at any shop aren’t unwarranted and something quite expected.
When started looking at the bone accessories I was greeted with a pleasant “Hello!”. It wasn’t the kind you get used to in Japanese malls. It was a classic greeting that almost seemed out of a classic Hollywood movie. Unnatural for a bicycle shop but stimulus enough to grab one’s attention. Perhaps it wasn’t just the greeting but also the treble in voice you ought to hear from an elderly and experienced gentlemen.
A little man came out the back and asked me what kind of a flashlight I was looking for? His appearance did justice to the tremble in his voice but not too his accent. I now had to but the accessory which I knew at the time I hadn’t entered the shop to buy in the first place. Perhaps I was sold but this guy wasn’t selling to me.
He proceeded to tell me about his passion for bikes but his voice fell flat and a tad bit less excited when he said he was a cancer survivor. He didn’t ride anymore but heck he could show me his regrown pony tail to prove that he in fact used to be a biker. Unfortunately the cancer wasn’t his only tragedy. He had lost his wife a couple of years as well. He was rejuvenated towards the end now. Bikes were all he looked forward to. Reminiscing this incident makes me realize that I was audience to his life experiences for less than 10 minutes yet he told me all this and I still remember it.
Perhaps ‘biker-man’, as I fondly recall him, had a treasure trove of stories. He was brimming with life experiences. He knew his journey would come to an end soon but he was now over his mid life crisis. He liked an audience wherever, whenever. His shop was just a vent for his passions. The bicycles were just manifestations of things he could take care of. His family was nowhere around. All he did now was steal time. Not happy, contented yet loving every moment of living. Excited about each moment that he grasped. Not worried about whether he would amount to anything and not concerned about what anyone would think about his actions. Not careless yet carefree.
It’s easy to fall prey to things we like to believe in where we are the victim.
It’s hard to imagine that we are the perpetrator of a crime or we are causing someone pain. So what’s the best thing to do? To imagine that we have been wronged. However we are quick to decide that we are wrong because we create a safety zone around ourselves by declaring that we have been wronged. So when we hear or read something that causes us discomfort even if it is only the partial story we are quick to pick it up and declare that we have been wronged. We are rarely ever ready to sit down and accept that we are causing discomfort to another one. If we do it turns into a context of who has done more wrong. That then is followed by a string of apologies.
Why don’t we have a objective conversation? We do have objective conversations most of he time. We’ve figured out how the earth moves around the sun. We’ve examined the breadth of galaxies. We’ve done all this, I’m sure we’re objective in thought, actions and speech. It’s hard explain but we’ve progressed this much in life through evolution and otherwise and yet we cant have the most basic conversations. That’s precisely the point. We can have those objective conversations outside family and what we consider home. Outside home we are building businesses, social enterprises or leading large groups of people. In those moments we are not really having a fake, protected conversation or we’re not worried about the risks. Maybe we are but we gauge the return and carry on despite the risks . We’re leading the charge and going forth considering all the risks in failure.
In personal relationships its too much to take risks. We don’t want to lose people we love. So what do we do? We become more protective about the whole relationship. That causes us to feign ignorance about attack. Even if we are not vulnerable we feel attacked at the slightest bit. We don’t want to lose people and we don’t want to lose connection. Thus we become the most fragile in front of people we care the most. Is this really fragility? No. Then one might say that it is the act to play victim? No. It’s natural tendency to pick up on the slightest cues without context. In personal relationships when something goes wrong you want to be the first one who feels attacked because you cannot be the perpetrator. You will not be the perpetrator. You have built this relationship and you are not the aggressor and you cannot accept that you are the cause for pain. So you pick up the slightest cues the other person might give or might not give. If you were ready to take risks you would accept that some things out of context seem or sound horrible. However in a personal relationship that is too much of a risk. You would rather crumble and stick to things without context. Crumbling in your opinion doesn’t break down the relationship. It only leads us to blame the other person for their “faults”. At how they are causing pain. They may or may not be but you’ll be the first one to accept that you weren’t causing the pain and the other person was the perpetrator.
The human mind is tricky but is clever to indicate that its person wasn’t the aggressor or the person who broke everything down. It might be doing that at the same time but it will not accept. Although the story doesn’t end there because will power that causes things to go the other way also originates in the human mind. There is then this tussle inside the brain. It isn’t bad but this is what makes a person whole. This thought and contemplation is what leads people to do the things they do outside home. This is what completes humans and this is the reason home is root of a balanced person. Without struggle there is nothing to conquer. Without struggle there is only defeat.
I do decide to post this it won’t be monumental. I’ll keep writing and then I’ll be active again and then not so much again. For now the prep for school is on. I have some pretty much work to do both in terms of house hunting and academic stuff as well. Things on the home front aren’t too pretty either. Lots of changes I need to make in myself.
And this goes…
Having unspace just means you’re a comfortable little rascal and don’t need anyone. I doubt anyone is like that. Imagine a life where there’s no sis, no mom… I know you mean temporary unspace, but look at life it’s so little so fleeting… Where do you have the time to have unspace. Tomorrow someone will be gone and then you’ll regret it, so make the best of what you have and cherish each moment. You can collect all your need of unspace and put it in a corner. In a few years that’s all you’ll have. Noone around… But what you want is best of both worlds. You want those you’re attached around you as well and then you want your space as well. Well, it’s a bit unfair to keep wanting. But you’re justified in asking why can’t you have it. The funny fact is that you have it, you just want more. You have space when you want it and you have people around you as well. Why complain?