This blog like everything else I have done in life is quite intermittent. I would like to restart. Yes, hello world!
MBA school is going fine. Hectic? Yes! One week to go with the first semester. Have I learnt stuff? Absolutely! Would I recommend an MBA? Depends! What does my day look like today? Almost like a very typical MBA day: I’m visiting an employer for a “site visit”. Have to get some homework done. Have to prepare for my finals next week. Am I slacking? Yes. Do I have to keep my spirits up and keep pounding? YES!
How many of the readers are actual people? I was curious about this and thought I’d write a post. If this is read by you who are an actual person part of the populace then do not like it. If you do like the post then I’d assume that you are bots who like the post without actually reading through the web post. It would be interesting as an experiment. Data is king yes, but at the moment I do not have data to investigate. So this blog post makes sense. Tags? Of course there’ll be plenty of tags.
I went in to have a look at a bicycle. The one that’s really a road bike. Really sleek and doesn’t have gears. I saw the shopkeeper was at the back so didn’t want to bother with asking any questions. I proceeded to check out the bikes but the posters also caught my attention. Of course posters at any shop aren’t unwarranted and something quite expected.
When started looking at the bone accessories I was greeted with a pleasant “Hello!”. It wasn’t the kind you get used to in Japanese malls. It was a classic greeting that almost seemed out of a classic Hollywood movie. Unnatural for a bicycle shop but stimulus enough to grab one’s attention. Perhaps it wasn’t just the greeting but also the treble in voice you ought to hear from an elderly and experienced gentlemen.
A little man came out the back and asked me what kind of a flashlight I was looking for? His appearance did justice to the tremble in his voice but not too his accent. I now had to but the accessory which I knew at the time I hadn’t entered the shop to buy in the first place. Perhaps I was sold but this guy wasn’t selling to me.
He proceeded to tell me about his passion for bikes but his voice fell flat and a tad bit less excited when he said he was a cancer survivor. He didn’t ride anymore but heck he could show me his regrown pony tail to prove that he in fact used to be a biker. Unfortunately the cancer wasn’t his only tragedy. He had lost his wife a couple of years as well. He was rejuvenated towards the end now. Bikes were all he looked forward to. Reminiscing this incident makes me realize that I was audience to his life experiences for less than 10 minutes yet he told me all this and I still remember it.
Perhaps ‘biker-man’, as I fondly recall him, had a treasure trove of stories. He was brimming with life experiences. He knew his journey would come to an end soon but he was now over his mid life crisis. He liked an audience wherever, whenever. His shop was just a vent for his passions. The bicycles were just manifestations of things he could take care of. His family was nowhere around. All he did now was steal time. Not happy, contented yet loving every moment of living. Excited about each moment that he grasped. Not worried about whether he would amount to anything and not concerned about what anyone would think about his actions. Not careless yet carefree.
Water splashed all over the place. It has a feeling of fresh because the sky aren’t cloudy. The sun is shining and the atmosphere is bright. I see a runner in the distance, sweating out his run yet lost in thought about something. I myself am lost in thought. I’m in Osaka. It’s 7:00 am and I can see an old man cleaning his tiny compound with a broom. The morning bares the spirit of the place. Last night everything was a mess. People were lost, their drunken, mistaken steps found way home after another tiring yet forgettable week.
My mornings were to now be journaling time. When did I decide that? When did I stop doing it? Yesterday was not as tiring as the day before. I didn’t run yesterday. The day was uneventful though I did clean up my affairs online. I stuck to healthy food throughout the day. During the day I spoke clearly. I spoke to mother without any apprehensions.
The night was uneventful as it ought to be. I read and then read some more. This morning is a good start. This entry written in the presence of brewing coffee and shiny office spaces will get published!
It’s easy to fall prey to things we like to believe in where we are the victim.
It’s hard to imagine that we are the perpetrator of a crime or we are causing someone pain. So what’s the best thing to do? To imagine that we have been wronged. However we are quick to decide that we are wrong because we create a safety zone around ourselves by declaring that we have been wronged. So when we hear or read something that causes us discomfort even if it is only the partial story we are quick to pick it up and declare that we have been wronged. We are rarely ever ready to sit down and accept that we are causing discomfort to another one. If we do it turns into a context of who has done more wrong. That then is followed by a string of apologies.
Why don’t we have a objective conversation? We do have objective conversations most of he time. We’ve figured out how the earth moves around the sun. We’ve examined the breadth of galaxies. We’ve done all this, I’m sure we’re objective in thought, actions and speech. It’s hard explain but we’ve progressed this much in life through evolution and otherwise and yet we cant have the most basic conversations. That’s precisely the point. We can have those objective conversations outside family and what we consider home. Outside home we are building businesses, social enterprises or leading large groups of people. In those moments we are not really having a fake, protected conversation or we’re not worried about the risks. Maybe we are but we gauge the return and carry on despite the risks . We’re leading the charge and going forth considering all the risks in failure.
In personal relationships its too much to take risks. We don’t want to lose people we love. So what do we do? We become more protective about the whole relationship. That causes us to feign ignorance about attack. Even if we are not vulnerable we feel attacked at the slightest bit. We don’t want to lose people and we don’t want to lose connection. Thus we become the most fragile in front of people we care the most. Is this really fragility? No. Then one might say that it is the act to play victim? No. It’s natural tendency to pick up on the slightest cues without context. In personal relationships when something goes wrong you want to be the first one who feels attacked because you cannot be the perpetrator. You will not be the perpetrator. You have built this relationship and you are not the aggressor and you cannot accept that you are the cause for pain. So you pick up the slightest cues the other person might give or might not give. If you were ready to take risks you would accept that some things out of context seem or sound horrible. However in a personal relationship that is too much of a risk. You would rather crumble and stick to things without context. Crumbling in your opinion doesn’t break down the relationship. It only leads us to blame the other person for their “faults”. At how they are causing pain. They may or may not be but you’ll be the first one to accept that you weren’t causing the pain and the other person was the perpetrator.
The human mind is tricky but is clever to indicate that its person wasn’t the aggressor or the person who broke everything down. It might be doing that at the same time but it will not accept. Although the story doesn’t end there because will power that causes things to go the other way also originates in the human mind. There is then this tussle inside the brain. It isn’t bad but this is what makes a person whole. This thought and contemplation is what leads people to do the things they do outside home. This is what completes humans and this is the reason home is root of a balanced person. Without struggle there is nothing to conquer. Without struggle there is only defeat.
I was recently watching a documentary which featured a few faculty members from leading business schools in the US. It wasnt something the schools should be proud about. Its seemed like a sad situation. There are Deans who are responsible for the administration of a school and then the same deans and few other professors who are unsure of their motives behind being part the system. If they were sure, the moivations were misplaced in an educational system.
That brings me to my next point. How does one evaluate motivation? How does one examine motivation? Do actions matter more than motivation? I hesitated to say yes but I cant clearly reject the idea either. In a court of justice there are times when motivation of an action determines the sentene that will be carried out. In day to day life however it is hard to examine motivation.
There are professors at certain schools who seem to be contributing in a meaningful manner but that is all they are doing. Its hard to gauge whether the system is polluted or these are a few rotten apples. For the benefit of keeping me motivated I would like to beleive that these are a few rotten apples. If you put two and two together youll see Im refering to my motivation this time and not just a general motivation.
What is my motivation to head back to school? Does it matter what the school is? Does it matter what I think of the school? Is it more important that I make something of this event rather than criticize faults in the system again?
I do decide to post this it won’t be monumental. I’ll keep writing and then I’ll be active again and then not so much again. For now the prep for school is on. I have some pretty much work to do both in terms of house hunting and academic stuff as well. Things on the home front aren’t too pretty either. Lots of changes I need to make in myself.