What, a son?

What does it mean to be a complete human being? The recent episode from Radiolab was very thought provoking. I began to think about all the roles that I play. A few events in the past few days occurring in a series have led to me think about my responsibilities. I’m fighting a battle every day and here’s an old tale to describe what I’m talking about:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Life is tricky and each step has to be thoughtful and intentional. I will build my repertoire of skills and virtues.

My mother is my core and my center. I hope my attempts to grow into a complete person will help me in this pursuit.

Podcast: https://www.wnycstudios.org/story/more-or-less-human/

(Audio) Book: 12 Rules For Life – Jordan B. Peterson

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Will I Lose My Sensibilities

I’m a little taken aback by how things are shaping up. So much is happening. People are clashing ideas at the speed of sound. Casualties all around. Why aren’t people just stopping and talking to each other. Will it become difficult to talk about things just because something can offend everyone? Will no one look at things objectively? Is there value in looking at things objectively?

A random chat

I spoke to this student at the school of public policy. I feel the students at the school of public policy have a good perspective toward the goings on of the world at large and are good audience to stimulating conversations about international relations. However I was sad to note the reaction of this student to the mention of a reporter from RT. While RT is funded in part of wholly by the Russian government so are most of the western media by different corporate interests as well, and my conversation pertained to the reporter not the organization. It’s the government tilting the public opinion in one part of the world versus capital interests trying the same in another part of the world. That realization was something that I had hoped was a given. However my mention of the reporter invoked a wholehearted laughter and reminded me of the wall street moguls who belittle unknown voices with an outwardly appearance of amusement. I didn’t push the conversation further because I realized what I assumed to be an underlying assumption was perhaps another conversation in itself.

The state of the world

Do ideas and does standing for them matter? In my conversations, I’m realizing that while it’s important to stand for something. It’s important to be kind. Kindness trumps most of everything else be it fact or attempts to prove ideologies. It’s important to be kind and important to remember to be kind. Here’s a podcast that made me think…

Click Here to Access Podcast

I’m writing again?

 

I don’t know what’s inspiring me to write again maybe it’s the Spring? The weather couldn’t have such a profound affect on me could it? What do I want to write about?

This newfound faith? What am I talking about? Shock?

I don’t know what I’m trying to say right now… I’m trying to find order in chaos. I’m trying to create chaos in order… I feel like I’ve spent years without doing much. I want to find myself again…

Perhaps there are too many sources of information and I want to find a good way to catalogue my views in a relatively anonymous way. Is it really anonymous though? No. Then what am I trying to achieve here… One thing remains the same as when I started… More questions than answers. I also realized that I had left because there wasn’t a decent way to upload images and I felt that images were the easier way to communicate. That was true. That still is true but I feel words and written language pushes my brain to think. To think in a way that’s linear, constructed and legible. That is something I need right now.

 

Decisions

This is lunch after I decided to buy a bike today. I love bicycles. Have always loved them. When I read that this metropolis was one of the world’s biker cities I was like… Yes! Nevermind that scholarship I’ll bike to college. Another lie. But I did get a second hand bike. I froze today and was a zombie riding in -17C. Talk about experiences.

Why the peanuts? Because I spent $80 on the bike. Friends were like if you want to cheap bike you’ll spend at least $200 and get a decent bike. I didn’t like the idea of anything beyond $70. So, yes, I’m disappointed.  In other news I’m a bit demotivated as well. Too much D in my life right now.

 

There’s no one there…

I realize that my choices have changed. I feel I’ve grown up. I don’t revel in science fiction anymore. I admire the sense of higher purpose more than I can tell if things are making sense. I battle with my own inner wolf and would like to give it speech but keep defeating it. Though victory is not in it’s defeat.

In the real world spoke to McKinsey consultant today. Felt myself get confused at the reactions I received. Got comfortable and then felt futile. I’m not even a good poet. That’s how random I was when I was speaking.

On another note I realized some memories just stay for a very long time. Good memories of bad times. The times were bad but someone genuineness was the good memory.

I’m not a quant but I have a inkling of how things will come. I have an inkling of how a person will behave when I interact with them, when I look at them. That’s why I am confused when I look at the mirror. Maybe it is bad to look at mirrors at night. I’ve never felt anyone beside me or behind me but today I feel an eerie presence.