It’s easy to fall prey to things we like to believe in where we are the victim.
It’s hard to imagine that we are the perpetrator of a crime or we are causing someone pain. So what’s the best thing to do? To imagine that we have been wronged. However we are quick to decide that we are wrong because we create a safety zone around ourselves by declaring that we have been wronged. So when we hear or read something that causes us discomfort even if it is only the partial story we are quick to pick it up and declare that we have been wronged. We are rarely ever ready to sit down and accept that we are causing discomfort to another one. If we do it turns into a context of who has done more wrong. That then is followed by a string of apologies.
Why don’t we have a objective conversation? We do have objective conversations most of he time. We’ve figured out how the earth moves around the sun. We’ve examined the breadth of galaxies. We’ve done all this, I’m sure we’re objective in thought, actions and speech. It’s hard explain but we’ve progressed this much in life through evolution and otherwise and yet we cant have the most basic conversations. That’s precisely the point. We can have those objective conversations outside family and what we consider home. Outside home we are building businesses, social enterprises or leading large groups of people. In those moments we are not really having a fake, protected conversation or we’re not worried about the risks. Maybe we are but we gauge the return and carry on despite the risks . We’re leading the charge and going forth considering all the risks in failure.
In personal relationships its too much to take risks. We don’t want to lose people we love. So what do we do? We become more protective about the whole relationship. That causes us to feign ignorance about attack. Even if we are not vulnerable we feel attacked at the slightest bit. We don’t want to lose people and we don’t want to lose connection. Thus we become the most fragile in front of people we care the most. Is this really fragility? No. Then one might say that it is the act to play victim? No. It’s natural tendency to pick up on the slightest cues without context. In personal relationships when something goes wrong you want to be the first one who feels attacked because you cannot be the perpetrator. You will not be the perpetrator. You have built this relationship and you are not the aggressor and you cannot accept that you are the cause for pain. So you pick up the slightest cues the other person might give or might not give. If you were ready to take risks you would accept that some things out of context seem or sound horrible. However in a personal relationship that is too much of a risk. You would rather crumble and stick to things without context. Crumbling in your opinion doesn’t break down the relationship. It only leads us to blame the other person for their “faults”. At how they are causing pain. They may or may not be but you’ll be the first one to accept that you weren’t causing the pain and the other person was the perpetrator.
The human mind is tricky but is clever to indicate that its person wasn’t the aggressor or the person who broke everything down. It might be doing that at the same time but it will not accept. Although the story doesn’t end there because will power that causes things to go the other way also originates in the human mind. There is then this tussle inside the brain. It isn’t bad but this is what makes a person whole. This thought and contemplation is what leads people to do the things they do outside home. This is what completes humans and this is the reason home is root of a balanced person. Without struggle there is nothing to conquer. Without struggle there is only defeat.