Had a bad dream today. It seems like I dreamt the origins of my food… There are societies which are cannibalistic. I found myself in one of those. You are truly what you eat. It seems I absorbed the stories of the people who made my food yesterday. I travelled back to the village, the tribes and the people. I did not have meat. I had plain South Indian food, but at a peculiar place. It wasn’t normal for me to have the kind. It wasn’t rustic but it wasn’t the neatest either. Where do you get neat food around here anyway 🙂

It seemed so real. I can narrate the details in he dream. Details of the clothes, the food the people were eating and their aggressive behaviour toward each other. I seemed to be stuck there, even though I voluntarily entered, I wasn’t free to leave. I felt trapped and it was so real that I remember I was trapped…

I feel sad now because I regret my actions. I could have done things differently. Here goes my dream: 

I’m walking in a large pasture where there seems to be nothing around except green grass. The grass is just high up to my knees. If there was Hans Zimmer playing in the background it would have been the opening scene to Gladiator. The music wasn’t there. It was morose. I entered this huge barn in the middle of no where. Lots of people, ragged and rustic. The people made noises. Then somewhere, someone whispers to me, you have 56 seconds to leave. I remember the exact time I was given. I looked at the entrance and rushed. This time though I wasn’t allowed to leave voluntarily. People held on to me. They seemed to pull my toes. They seemed to pull my clothes. I tore the ragged wall and pushed myself free. I was being followed until I reached a tall fence. It was a wire fence that didn’t seem impenetrable but the person near it now had been disturbed. He seemed to change his behaviour. Suddenly he now behaved like the people back in the barn. He wanted to stop me, he started to charge at me and then finally he started to pull me down from the fence. I broke free again. Now I ran, this time on all fours. I eventually reached this place where people seemed normal and sane. They asked me what just transpired. They seemed disconnected, while I feared for what was headed this way… Then I lay between people standing listening to my story while I narrated and warned them… Pleaded them to get ready….
That’s how I woke up… To 2:43 AM on my phone…


Do I need it?

I keep asking myself why I need an MBA when I can learn so many things besides how to manage businesses. I think the point I am forgetting is that there is no money outside capital markets unless of course one has a family family fortune. That I don’t have. Hence, this post was a good refresher!

From the iPad 

Got the iPad at work. This isn’t the first note/ text/ mention of this in some form. I just want to see how easy it is to post to the blog from this. The environment inside the iPad is beautiful, no doubt. Will I end up selling the second apple product I got? Perhaps this isn’t fit for long posts but I decent for short quick updates. I’ll get used to this keyboard. I’ll get over swipe and the Google keyboard. Or maybe I’ll just download it on this. I don’t think I’m selling this…

Why the hell am I doing this?

Perhaps because in heart of hearts I know I’m not ready as yet. I have things that I’d like to do but there are things I have to do. I have an obligation to nurture that has brought me where I am today. I am indebted to the existence that has given me the privilege to live and experience. It is an existential balance that I have to restore when I give back. I could go as far as to say that I have no other purpose but to give back.

If this isn’t compelling it probably doesn’t sound enough. The meaning is, and might not be well intention-ed. I feel when the time is right I will have enough to provide and support and even then not do this. Of course I am learning along the way. There are other ways I could learn but I think this is the most cost effective and economical way to proceed. In the light of these thoughts I think I am not wasting my life and all my time is a good investment. Is it perfect? No. Is it the best I can think of right now? Yes.

Update land

I am getting ready to write the GMAT again. This will be the last time I attempt to sort out my life by these means.
I’ve been shown a sad picture by the company I’ve been working with for the past five years. That’s put in this way because I invested time and energy into this company. However I do realize that this is how multi national corporations usually behave. They suck the living life out of you and squeeze you till your last drop. I have no problem in being valuable to people but I have a problem in being valuable to a select few. Specially if I haven’t selected those. Time to get my life in order again.
On another note, I’m impressed with Patanjali products. They had a short time to influence me but seems to have won me over. This might seem disconnected from the tirade above but in my head connects. Baba Ramdev has a long history of wanting to get back manufacturing and production back to India. The sole reason being the profit creating mechanism of capital organizations. He believes that the  products being produced by the few FMCG companies can be made or produced more sustainably than they are being right now. On top of this he also has a claim to quality. Whatever his claims might be, I was bought because of my personal experience using the product. I’ll write more about this soon in the following days.